blog Alina de Vilder - Thoughs as a virus

The thoughts in your brain are like a virus in your body cell

When a virus infects a cell, the so called host cell is forced to rapidly produce thousands of identical copies of the original virus.
Wikipedia

the belief in a thoughtThe belief in a thought

Believing a certain thought can make you unhappy a long life long. The source of a thought can be a traumatic experience or a clumsy message from your mother or father when you were a kid and everything in between.

An example of a message that may come in deep is that the child may be ugly or too fat. The deep belief of a child in the truth of such a message, may cause a life long pain, misfortune, eating disorders or other misery. The child took over the perspective of the messenger and started producing thousands of thoughts, confirming the first message, ruining the original carefree state. There is your virus. Read more

Abuse in general

You have to fulfill my needs!

This video shows a common reality in Congo. But in Tanzania, it is the same. The abuse of women is based on the belief a woman is the possession of her husband. Please watch it. It is worthwhile to see.

Watching this video you probably will feel sad, bewildered and maybe angry because you are confronted with beliefs that you recognize as crazy. You probably will feel a distance also, because this is not about you and this is not about your culture. And you are happy you don’t live in such a situation. So you and your culture are much better.

Are we truly better?

When you are ready to look inside yourself and reflect on your own behavior in your marriage but also in your relationships with other people, you will find a shocking truth. Consciously or unconsciously we expect other people to fulfill our needs. Many of our emotions are related to these expectations because we strongly believe that we depend on others to have our needs fulfilled.

We are far from the experience that we are adults and can take care of our own needs. Therefore we developed many strategies to get what we want. We can cry hysterically, we shout or we use a fist. We talk smoothly or we show our arguments for hours or we refuse to talk to that other person for days. The moment somebody is saying no or tries to please us but is not successful enough, trouble starts. How many times did we lose respect and behaved manipulative or even (verbal) violent towards other people that were for some reason not able to meet our expectations? How many hours we have worked very hard to change that (special) person in the remake that can fulfill our wishes better? Read more

Connecting from the heart in Usambara Mountains

Happy-go-lucky lives in the heart

Energy will flow where you bring your attention. When your attention is pointed at your head, then your energy will go to your head. When you focus on your heart, then your energy will follow and enter your heart.  
If you are focussed on the qualities of your head for a longer time, you are creating a groove in your bio-computer. This will be the place more and more that you live from. It is like your home. It will determinate where most of your responses come from. 

het hart spreekt in Tanzania

 

If you succeed to bring your attention for a longer time to your heart, then you will make a new groove in your bio-computer. In your heart you can find qualities like love, happiness, humour, playfulness, connection, peace, wisdom, and happy-go-lucky. Everybody longs for these qualities but unfortunately, they are overwritten by the deeply rooted processes in the head and all the worries that come from our thoughts.

Why a fifteen day Christmas Safari with Mindful Adventure to Tanzania?

If you wish to live more from the heart, then we offer you the unique opportunity to create a groove in being with your heart. For 15 days you will walk, be, live, speak, shine from your heart. You will be supported to have your attention with the heart. You can experience what changes inside yourself and between you and other people will occur when you do this.

To create a new heart-groove and to overwrite the old head-groove is not a small thing. It means you make a conscious choice who you want to be en where you want your attention to be. It can be the beginning of a new life perspective and show you the way to more happiness and content.

I am not saying there is something wrong with responding from the head.  The head offers an overview, clear insights and analyses, the ability to relativize, to abstract and deduct. It offers a sort of control if needed. But if the balance is gone we will get miserable, cold, distant, without feelings, afraid, lonely and stressed, even when you hide it behind a socially accepted mask, because almost nobody wants to appear like cold and distant.

Het hart volgen in usambara Mountains

 

After this “of the beaten track” Safari in Tanzania with everything a true adventure should contain, you will know forever what is needed to find the way back to love and harmony in your heart.

https://retreatstanzania.com/laugh-while-you-still-have-teeth/

Karibu (welcome)

 

personal leadership

Personal Leadership, can I?

Personal Leadership, Can I?

“Yes Alina”: says my friend and guide Rama. “If something uncomfortable happens to me, I am not concerned with the reasons why, looking back to the past, complaining about this or blaming others. I focus immediately on the solution. It has already happened”.

“Personal leadership in my opinion is the skill to lead my own brain and send it in the direction of my desired future. Just like you, I have a unique, creative, intelligent potential which, if addressed, can become a self-driving force in my personality. What was limiting me for a long time was the strange sensation, that it somehow wasn’t really allowed by me. Is it okay to think what I want to think? Is it okay to take the lead and tell myself: “Hee listen! It stops right here and right now. This path we have been walking long enough. Let’s take this direction for a change”. It was as if I was not entitled to take me by the hand and it was as if a powerful message inside directed me to be reactive in life and not active. And my God I waisted a lot of time doing so. I knew I was able to reflect on my thoughts and feelings but I never realized this reflective quality showed me there is a leader inside, who is able to direct and guide my mind.

There never has been a tire fixed by grumbling about it.

                                                                  Roel Meijvis

persoonlijk leiderschapToo often we follow beliefs and thoughts that don’t help us any further. If we observe them, we can notice that they tend to fight against how things are. This mindset creates a chronically dissatisfied mood. But what would happen if we stop to contradict reality? I’ve found that I can make new choices each time about things that happen to me. I can not allways avoid them to happen, but I can choose not to expect from others or life to bring the change that I want. For some reason I have become a brighter, friendlier, happy-go-lucky and more loving person

Being authentic
I have discovered it is essential for personal leadership to free myself from cultured passivity and an helpless dependency from perfect circumstances. If I let the idea go that I am depending on perfect lifeconditions to be happy and relaxed, the necessary inner space arises to live in an authentic and powerful way. Then I start leading myself, others and the direction my company is going in a positive way.

A hike into the bush, why?
To meet your own, mostly unconscious dependencies, it helps to step into the bush of Tanzania and let it shuffle the perfect life-conditions we were raised in. Tanzania is chaotic, unorganised (in our eyes), wild and unpredictable. Nature is still in charge and circumstances are challenging. In the bush are no distractions, no internet and no comfort. In short, it offers the perfect scenery for facing the moments you start fighting reality. But also to meet the tendency to outplace your own responsibility for your feelings and thoughts.

persoonlijk leiderschapBy freeing yourself from dependencies, you will discover how strong you are. It will connect you to your freedom and more laughs when you run into an unexpected bump (usually no mountain).  You recognize the adventurous situation you entered instead of shouting it should never have happened because it doesn’t meet your expectations.

I believe it is time to understand how our brain should be our servant and not the other way around any longer. But we need to show this programmed computer in our head the way out of the maze of limited thoughts and feelings that control our lives in a negative way.

Mindful Adventure is organizing many safaris to educate you in personal leadership and what is needed to retrain your brain. In the meantime, you are enjoying a real “off the beaten track” safari.

Karibu!

geniaal kind

All kids until four are genius

geniaal kindAll kids until four are genius. By the time they are ten years old, only 10% is genius. By the time they are 30 years old, we are talking about only 2%. This is the confronting, shocking outcome of a big long running American research.

It is true. Of course it is true. It is unbelievable what we learn in the first four years of our lives. We learn a language and sometimes two languages without books and drilling. And all of u scan do it. Every child can do it. Children that only seem able to remember 10 words at primary school, were also able to do this, without any problem.

In the following years there is a huge differentiation in levels. Suddenly there are children with learning disorders and that are in need of special attention to develop laborious in the direction we determined for them. Our teachers are busy with children with all kinds of behavioral and concentration disorders.

Why is that?

Read more

If the heart of a man opens up, everything becomes possible

I am visiting Ikea with my son and his girlfriend. He found a room in Amsterdam and needs some furniture to give himself a nice start. His girlfriend points her finger at a small wooden table, which appears to fit very well in preschool. He doesn’t like it at all but I can see his resistance to say no to her. Finally he realizes it’s his house and he forces himself to say this table is more suitable for the seven dwarfs in Snowwhite. Relieved I take a deep breath.

In Serengeti we lose a tire of the trailer. Read more

Cancer is the physical call for total self acceptance

From an early age you were exposed to thousands of adjusting suggestions from your culture, your family, your religion, your school and your peers. Because you completely were dependent on that environment you were extremely sensitive to those messages about who and how you should be. You will be, if you are honest to yourself, still be determined in your expressions by what others  might find about you. That way you are living the shaduw of who you truly are.

silhouette wilde hond

by Travis Bester

What thoughts are going through your mind? What is driving them? How many negative thoughts you have today? Are you telling yourself that you must be positive all the time and do you demand to be able to feel this every day? Are you telling yourself that you have to be strong and are not allowed to complain? Read more

Look! A man living with up to 148 women

We were driving by bus from Arusha to Ngorongoro when O, the Masaï guy I sponsored, nudged me and said: “look Alina, those manyattas (huts) against the foot of the mountain. An old man is living over there with up to 148 women”. His voice sounded to my idea in awe and it was not clear to me if this came out of respect or jealousy. He told me that a polygamous Masaï man with many women was a rich man. Not because he had so many beautiful women but because he has had in its possession sufficient cows to pay the dowry. I looked at the village, the dozens of shacks close to each other and I wondered what was happening indoors. Would those women be happy or squabbling, would he divides his attention right or withdraw certain women for it? I did not yet dare to ask O by that time. Read more

Fear of the positive

When you think about fears, you maybe think about unpleasant things. Things like losing your job, your partner, your house, your children. eendje by KanarYou maybe think about the fear to lose control or being alone, not to fit in or to get ill. In Africa there will be fear of hunger or thirst, coldness or dry periods. But what about the fear to live fully?
Do you recognize this?
* you are breathing up into the chest instead of relaxed into the belly
* you danced wild at a party or sang loud on Karaoke and the next day you feel ashamed. What did I do? What will other people think of me?
* Do you recognize how scary it is to look somebody in the eyes longer then a brief moment? In Tanzania nobody looks each other in the eyes. It is considered respectless. Msafiri and I tried to do it one time. A strong shyness came up. It was terrible to him.

hyenas

Many of our fears have to do with good feelings, good sensations, like feeling alive, being expressive, being spontaneous, being wild, being powerful or free in movement, to enjoy or to be truly happy. People even can be afraid to be intelligent, enthousiastic, loving, touching, to be honest, to take lead or to come forward. You can call it in general a fear of the positive.

It has all to do with memories from your childhood. Somehow you felt rejected on positive qualities you had. A nice example in secondary school is the phenomenon that young people with high marks are easily called studs or nerds. The message is clearly, don’t be too bright. Many children under social pressure will get their results down. And later in life they will feel tension when they have to give a presentation about the good work they did.

150905_Tanzania_451

Fear of the positive is the most difficult fear to overcome. Every time you pass it, you will feel completely vulnerable, which is hard to endure. You really need to be persistent not to run back in the safe old fears. That is why it is important to join a group of people that are supportive and know what happens to you.

During our safaris you maybe will meet fear of wild animals or inconvenience when we meet local people. But also the vulnerability of real contact, be quiet together, move freely, to be open and honest and to show yourself. But isn’t it wonderful to join people who allow you to be yourself?

And wild animals? It is very possible that they are more scared of you then you of them.

Splashy clothes or a safari to Tanzania?

I am living around the corner of the shopping area of my hometown. I used to walk through that area many times a week. I never truly shopped there, I was of course not the shopping type. But every time I accidentally past by and my eye got caught by some trendy clothing, I bought it without even thinking twice. And I certainly did not allow a question popping up like: “Do I really, truly need this new hot item? Maybe I had enough trousers but not “that specific, great looking, flashy, striking trouser”.  I think through the years this habit costed me a crazy lot of money. Now was it worth it? Did it make me more happy, more wise? Read more